Rush Limbaugh

If He Had Stuck to Huffing Airplane Glue, We Wouldn't Be In This Mess

I've seen all kinds of post on all kinds of blogs offering an opinion on the whole "Rush Limbaugh is a criminal pillhead" thing -- from the vengeful, bilous "fuckim, he's a criminal," response, to the ever self-righteous "we need to be better than the likes of him, give him a hug instead" bleeding-heart position. So I figure hey, i've got a blog, why don't I write an opinion nobody really cares about!! Areya ready??

I don't like Rush Limbaugh. I more than don't like him -- as my father would say, "I wouldn't piss onnim if he wus on fayah." The guy likes to chew on his cigar and smugly retch out his judgemental screeds on all the people who have problems that he doesn't. He likes shit like "zero tolerance" laws and mandatory minimum sentences. Hates bleeding-heart liberal notions like addiction as disease, public assistance of the poor, or rehabilitation vs. punishment. He's what I like to call a "jerkoff."

See, but now he's in a pantload of trouble. He's hooked on painkillers, and he broke one or two of his favorite laws by having his delicious pills fedexed illegally across state lines. Now I'm no Chief Justice, but as far as sentences go i think that probably lies somewhere between indecent exposure and selling babies.

So what now? I dunno man. Drug problems are sad, addiction is sad. It's slavery, it's a very human problem, and everyone knows it. Everyone. So why do we kid ourselves and think that we're helping society by locking people up in the same prisons as guys who rape and kill people? I mean, I'm sure an immediate and thorough ass-pounding by the guys in Cell Block D would cure Rush of a lot of things, but I don't know if his pill problem is one of them. I don't think society -- and, lest we forget, Jesus! -- is served by putting Rush Limbaugh or anyone else in jail for having a substance abuse problem, no matter what that substance might be, or no matter how big of a loud-mouthed asshole the guy in question might be.

Now that being said, I fully recognize that Rush is a very rich man, and can afford a very good lawyer. This lawyer will likely see to it that Rush receives the full sympathy and mercy of our legal system, and will never see a minute of jail time -- assuring the whole country that poor Rush isn't a threat to anyone, that he just has problems, and that we should feel bad for him instead of subjecting him to the very zero-tolerance laws that he arrogantly and cavalierly champions on his radio show. That will be the result of this; not any kind of second-look at our ridiculous, hypocritical, and inhumane drug laws, and not the "prison fixes everything" mentality of our Justice Department. At the end of this, we'll have seen further proof that these laws do not apply to the rich, only to those that can't afford Johnny fucking Cochrane or whoever.

How fucked up is that?